Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
