You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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