shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
