so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
