Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how drunk are you?
Several
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
