Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Life is so much better after having sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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