Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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