Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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