I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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