worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to fling myself into the sun
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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