ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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