You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
