you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
