Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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