On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
