I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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