Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
