I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
