I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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