if i can run in heels then i can drive
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
