how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Someone came in the potted fern
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
