I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
