Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
