I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
