I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
