I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
NoShamevember. You game?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
