is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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