from now on my penis is your penis
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
