never play flip cup with pint glasses
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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