Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
