glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
