I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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