i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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