i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
