It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
