i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
