Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did i walk over a car last night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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