...so i touched it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
