i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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