he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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