look no pants
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
