There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
