Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
