can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
