i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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