so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
