And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
