"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize