IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
