I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
