I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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