So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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