i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
