I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
