I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
