Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
