Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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