I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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