We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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