I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
