i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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