this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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