I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
