Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
