dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize