Where is the hickey?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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