I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
