i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
