My nipple is on Facebook.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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