i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.