Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (948) Bad night (3956)
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  (805): View more from California

  I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

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  (805): I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/p5hg
  Replies (8) Good night (2157) Bad night (3011)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed

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  (541): dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed http://tfl.nu/93gi
  Replies (46) Good night (2363) Bad night (11305)
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  (818): View more from California

  he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.

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  (818): he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small. http://tfl.nu/cj40
  Replies (40) Good night (849) Bad night (10433)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

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  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8636) Bad night (1160)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.

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  (443): I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again. http://tfl.nu/jzey
  Replies (10) Good night (3038) Bad night (1293)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.

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  (204): I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake. http://tfl.nu/a9s8
  Replies (3) Good night (2079) Bad night (862)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.

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  (609): Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/sxhu
  Replies (10) Good night (2434) Bad night (955)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.

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  (907): according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it. http://tfl.nu/rmyb
  Replies (7) Good night (1135) Bad night (392)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny

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  (609): And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny http://tfl.nu/jdju
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (727)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.

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  (813): And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him. http://tfl.nu/ppzx
  Replies (8) Good night (595) Bad night (893)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.

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  (919): We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad. http://tfl.nu/qk8s
  Replies (6) Good night (1839) Bad night (357)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.

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  (970): Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/kc9w
  Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (281)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me

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  (317): Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me http://tfl.nu/2azp
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (273)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.

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  (407): He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar. http://tfl.nu/i3q4
  Replies (3) Good night (282) Bad night (972)

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