Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Do you have swine flu?

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

Pigs, yes. Swine, no.

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(202): Do you have swine flu? (1-202): I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine. (1-202): Pigs, yes. Swine, no. http://tfl.nu/dq8y

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(970): View more from Colorado

Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

(1-970): View more from Colorado

You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

(970): View more from Colorado

Shut the hell up.

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(970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x

Replies (38) Good night (724) Bad night (1831)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.

(302): View more from Delaware

I love summer.

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(302): I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week. (302): I love summer. http://tfl.nu/82u6

Replies (13) Good night (3756) Bad night (437)
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(328): View more from

im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

(1-328): View more from

anal.

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(328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is? (1-328): anal. http://tfl.nu/bglg

Replies (33) Good night (5667) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
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(856): View more from New Jersey

We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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(856): We tried having a conversation with our noses. http://tfl.nu/by13

Replies (9) Good night (2678) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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(515): View more from Iowa

I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time

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(515): I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time http://tfl.nu/arsj

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.

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(715): Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way. http://tfl.nu/o1v6

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(574): View more from Indiana

If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.

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(574): If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time. http://tfl.nu/3esg

Replies (3) Good night (1930) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
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(802): View more from Vermont

He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow

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(802): He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow http://tfl.nu/7xi8

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(352): View more from Florida

Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night

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(352): Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night http://tfl.nu/ez8j

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.

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(608): This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat. http://tfl.nu/hchn

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(416): View more from Toronto

Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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(416): Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke http://tfl.nu/mtw8

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(516): View more from New York

I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l

Replies (6) Good night (1586) Bad night (290)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.

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(610): I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka. http://tfl.nu/ytpq

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Playing nyquil pong with a cat again

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(931): Playing nyquil pong with a cat again http://tfl.nu/9ic0

Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt

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