I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.