I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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