I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...