Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
