I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
