I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
