Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
