after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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