Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize