Tell her she can't have a vagina
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
