Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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