It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
