I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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