she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
