I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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