I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
