I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
