There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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